07 Jun From Coffee to Espresso: How Selfishness & Arrogance Fuel Success

Selfish, Arrogant, and Successful: The Unapologetic Path to Greatness

From Regular Coffee to Double Espresso: How a Splash of Selfishness & Arrogance Brews Real Success

Ozzie Small: “Nothing wrong with being a regular cup of coffee, but you should aspire to be more.“

We live in a world that extols humility and kindness – yet, quietly, it rewards those who put themselves first. It’s a brutal, uncomfortable truth: a certain level of selfishness and arrogance is not only common among successful people, it’s often essential to reaching the top. From cutthroat boardrooms to star-making stages, the winners are frequently those willing to unapologetically champion themselves. This isn’t an endorsement of outright cruelty or narcissism; rather, it’s an honest look at why a dash of self-interest and a pinch of ego can propel you further than saintly self-sacrifice ever will. In this editorial, we pull back the curtain on success across career, relationships, personal development, creativity, and leadership – and why being a little selfish and a tad arrogant might be your best‑kept secret to achieving greatness.

The Career Ladder: Ambition Requires Selfishness

In the realm of careers and business, the old saying “nice guys finish last” exists for a reason. The corporate ladder is not a gentle climb – it’s a competitive scramble where those who shamelessly pursue their own advancement often reach the higher rungs faster. Being modest and self‑effacing might earn you a gold star in kindergarten, but in the office, it’s the go‑getters – sometimes perceived as selfish or arrogant – who grab the promotions and pay raises. Research backs this up: one study found that people who display overconfidence (essentially confidence on steroids, often mistaken for arrogance) tend to attain higher social status in groups. In practice, that means the employee who’s loudly championing their own successes and pushing for opportunities is more likely to be seen as leadership material than the equally talented colleague quietly hoping to be noticed.

Consider the way salary negotiations and promotions play out. If you’ve ever watched a less‑deserving coworker leap ahead because they spoke up about their accomplishments while you stayed modest, you know the sting of realizing that playing humble often means playing yourself. Ambition, by nature, is selfish – it’s your ambition. To chase it, you sometimes have to put your needs and goals above others’. That might mean declining extra tasks that don’t benefit you, or openly competing for a role your friend at work also wants. It feels uncomfortable, even “wrong” to those taught to always put others first. But the reality of career success is competitive, not cooperative. High achievers make strategic selfish choices: they network when they could relax, they take on high‑profile projects (often hogging the credit), and they say “no” to demands that don’t serve their long‑term plans. While teamwork and respect are important, unbridled selflessness will have you working hard on someone else’s dream instead of your own.

The truth is that many workplaces actually reward a bit of ego. Leaders often (mistakenly or not) equate confidence with competence. Psychologists at UC Berkeley found that overconfident individuals were perceived as more capable and given more respect and influence – even when their actual abilities didn’t merit it. In other words, strutting your stuff can get you further than underselling your talent. This doesn’t mean you should lie about your abilities, but it does mean you should unabashedly trust in them. Be your own advocate. Talk about your achievements. Put your hand up for that leadership role even if you’re only 80 % ready – the truly self‑assured (and yes, slightly arrogant) person figures it out on the way up. Meanwhile, the perpetually polite person who waits to be recognized may find themselves left behind, wondering why diligence alone didn’t pay off.

Relationships: Self‑Care Over Self‑Sacrifice

It sounds counterintuitive, but a bit of selfishness can work wonders in your relationships. Society preaches unconditional giving – the friend who is always available, the partner who sacrifices everything for their loved one. Yet, in reality, constant self‑sacrifice breeds resentment, burnout, and under‑appreciation. The healthiest relationships aren’t those of one‑sided giving; they’re mutual exchanges where each person respects the other – and that starts with respecting yourself. Setting boundaries, voicing your needs, and sometimes saying no to others to say yes to yourself – these acts, often labeled “selfish,” are in fact the backbone of genuine, lasting relationships.

Psychologists talk about “healthy selfishness,” which is essentially self‑care and self‑respect in action. Someone with healthy selfishness makes sure their own well‑being is a priority – and guess what? That makes them a better friend, partner, or parent. When you take care of you, you’re not offering loved ones the dregs of your energy and attention; you’re giving from a place of strength and fulfillment. In contrast, the person who never thinks of themselves often ends up drained and unhappy – and their relationships suffer for it. It’s the classic case of the overworked parent or people‑pleasing friend who eventually breaks down, because they’ve given all they have and received little in return.

Being a bit selfish in relationships also teaches others how to treat you. If you’re always the one who compromises, the one who cancels your plans to accommodate someone else, you’re sending the message that your time and goals are less important. Over time, some people will (consciously or not) take advantage of this. On the flip side, when you lovingly assert your needs – “I need an hour to myself tonight” or “I’m pursuing this personal goal, so I can’t help you this weekend” – you signal that you value yourself. The right people in your life will respect that. In fact, your example might even inspire them: seeing you love yourself enough to put yourself first at times can encourage friends and partners to do the same, creating a healthier dynamic for everyone.

Even romantically, a dose of self‑assured “arrogance” can be attractive. Confidence is magnetic; insecurity is not. We’re drawn to partners who have their own passions and aren’t clingingly dependent on us for every ounce of validation. That old trope that women like “bad boys” or men love a “strong, independent woman” has a kernel of truth – it’s not about badness or independence per se, it’s about self‑possession.

Personal Growth: Putting Me in Self‑Improvement

Personal development by definition is personal – it’s about you. Achieving your full potential requires an almost tunnel‑vision focus on your own growth. Is that selfish? Absolutely – and that’s okay. In fact, it’s necessary. Every hour you spend honing a skill, exercising, studying, or refining your craft is an hour you are not spending on someone else’s agenda. To become the best version of yourself, you sometimes have to close the door, literally or figuratively, on others’ demands and dedicate time to your own improvement. The world’s highest achievers – athletes, artists, intellectuals, business moguls – often speak of this almost obsessive self‑focus.

Research supports the idea that a degree of selfishness supports personal success. As legendary psychologist Abraham Maslow noted, we shouldn’t automatically assume selfish = bad; sometimes selfish behavior is good and necessary for growth. For example, taking time to educate yourself, improve your health, or pursue a career goal may mean temporarily prioritizing those efforts over social events or even over helping others as much as you used to. And guess what? That’s fine. You are investing in yourself, and the dividends pay off not just for you, but for everyone around you. A more skilled, healthier, wealthier, wiser you can contribute more to the world in the long run.

Creativity and Innovation: Ego as Fuel for Greatness

Behind almost every groundbreaking creative or innovative achievement is an ego – sometimes a big one. The arts and creative industries (from entertainment and fashion to tech innovation) are full of mavericks with outsized confidence. And it makes sense: to bring something truly new into the world, you must believe, almost irrationally, in yourself and your vision.

Think of the icons of music, art, and innovation: they often have a reputation for ego. Kanye West famously declared, “I am a god,” in his music – a statement dripping with arrogance – yet that unshakeable self‑belief fueled him to redefine hip‑hop and fashion. When Lady Gaga advises people, “I want you to walk around delusional about how great you can be – and then to fight so hard for it that the lie becomes the truth,” she’s essentially encouraging a form of productive arrogance. That delusional self‑confidence is what propels artists to keep performing to empty clubs, or entrepreneurs to keep pitching ideas despite a dozen rejections.

Leadership: The Arrogance to Take Charge

Look at the leaders who have shaped industries, organizations, nations – many of them are not shy violets. In fact, they’re often larger‑than‑life characters with healthy (or massive) egos. We like to imagine great leaders as wise, benevolent figures beloved by all, but the reality is often more complicated. Many successful leaders are polarizing – they inspire devotion in some and disdain in others, precisely because of their unwavering confidence and relentless standards.

Embrace Your Edge: The Empowering Truth

Success, in whatever form it takes for you, isn’t for the timid. The empowering truth is that you are allowed to want more for yourself. In fact, you likely need that spark of selfish desire and bold self‑confidence to break out of mediocrity. The world has plenty of people content to stay safe and small – if you aspire to greatness, you must be willing to be different, to demand more, and to believe, with a hint of arrogance, that you can do more.

So go ahead and be a bit selfish when it counts. Invest in your education or business idea instead of loaning money to that irresponsible cousin (they’ll survive). Take credit for your accomplishments – you earned them. Say “no” to the project that doesn’t advance your goals, so you can say a bigger “yes” to something that does.

Greatness requires an edge. It requires the guts to look in the mirror and say, “I deserve success,” and then pursue it fervently. It requires being okay with the fact that not everyone will like you – some will call you arrogant, selfish, a dreamer with a big head. Let them.

WRITTEN & CURATED BY OZZIE SMALL